Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
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so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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