Girls should come with a carfax report
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
