I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
