Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
