Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
