We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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