Say something about gay babies.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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