There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
