is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
