Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
