Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
