I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
