is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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