bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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