I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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