So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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