When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
