from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
