I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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