Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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