It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
