I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
