Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
