I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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