Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
