Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
