I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
