I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
