did you get engaged???
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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