Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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