question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
