after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
