All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's shark week go big or go home
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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