I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
