I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
