My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
