we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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