thus making me awesome and them whores
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
