i permit you to call me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
