Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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