Christians are straight up FREAKS
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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