i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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