He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
