So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
