Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
