I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
