You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
