You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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