We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
