Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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