Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
