I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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