Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want nice things and good sex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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