So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
