Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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