I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Less talking, more tequila
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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