Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
