I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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