honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
