I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
