He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
