Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
