My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
