Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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