love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
