i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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