Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
